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A última mensagem póstuma

Fui, já tem um tempo, e parece ontem aquele maldito tombo na escada. E se demorei a me comunicar é porque só agora descobri que defunto pode fazer de tudo, tantas coisas, você ficaria besta se soubesse do que sou capaz. Tudo eu faço pensando. Veja, eu escrevo numa caligrafia bem próxima daquela que você conheceu em minhas primeiras cartas, percebe? Escrita redonda como os nossos beijos de início, porém ainda tímida como a descoberta do meu corpo nu diante do teu. Naquela época a gente queria manuscrever o amor em caldos que encharcavam nossos desertos particulares, ficava se olhando até umedecer a face com sorrisos e se prometia, a cada dia, um novo abraço eterno. Tempos sem cólera.

Passados alguns anos, preparada para nem tanto, feneci, fui para melhor, evaporei, fiz a passagem, transcendi, desencarnei, desvivi, finei, sublimei ou sei lá que outro termo usa a tua crença de hoje em dia. Aliás, daqui não recebo eco algum de uma prece tua, então julgo que tenha deixado as aves marias de lado novamente. Ou então entendeu que orar por mim é encomendar minha alma a um paraíso daquele tipo que você pintava nas cartolinas da tua infância, todas emolduradas e dispostas nas paredes pela tua mãe. A infância que você odiava. A mãe que você odiava. Aquele paraíso pintado de vermelho eu não queria, ficam aí, eu disse, ficam aí na casa da tua mãe esses quadros, a gente não precisa levar. E você trouxe, insistiu e trouxe pro nosso lar, e eu resisti, e eu sofri, e eu pedi até que consegui fazer você jogar fora aqueles desenhos de revolta pueril, voltar a gostar de ser criança e perceber que amava mais que tudo a tua mãe, aquela que é hoje a tua maior cúmplice e companheira. Por ela você foi capaz de adotar santos na carteira mesmo se dizendo ateu. Por mim vão todos eles para um lugar de onde nunca deviam ter saído, e para onde eu certamente nunca irei. A isenção religiosa é um dos mais altos benefícios desta minha nova natureza.

Naquele dia fatal, veio o destino e resolveu se assumir para nós dentro de um prédio sem luz. Sei que te dei as costas quando finalmente você encontrou algo a dizer, sei que não devia correr ali, aqueles corredores de puro breu, os degraus ainda soltos e eu querendo uma cena de novela (mas tive um fim tal qual uma película de Almodóvar e ninguém se lembrou de dizer). Meu movimento rude para desprender o braço da tua mão (a tua mão...), você gritando, não vai ainda, e eu bamba de tanta ira, dúvida e culpa saí desobedecida de qualquer ordem, pisei o chão sem compasso algum, pisei as sacolas, as compras, os limões para o tempero... O seu tempero, a mesma armadilha que experimentei pela última vez. O barulho do meu rosto encontrando a quina do degrau ecoou um estrondo dentro do peito. Te via ainda, sabia? E vi também que era pra nunca mais o teu jeito macio, a calma da tua pele e a tua expressão quando lia pra mim. Uma contradição como o prelúdio do fim que mais tarde se declarou. Eu parti te amando, entende? Eu parti quebrada e você sabe como.

Agora sim me despeço, meu amor, com o primeiro e último canto vindo deste lado das minhas profundezas, sem rimas ou boas aliterações. E eu te peço, pare de ensaiar epitáfios para pôr minha morte em frases vivas de bons pensamentos. Porque cheia de boas intenções, hoje sou mais uma hospedada no inferno.


62 comentários:

huhushanzhi disse...
Este comentário foi removido por um administrador do blog.
Jam disse...

Tô com inveja da tua escrita. Pode? Ah, deixa, vai... Puta merda, Rabuti, espero que você lembre de mim quando for a hora de publicar no papel essas coisas lindas que você anda escrevendo... Carai, sô...

Su disse...

Você sabe bem que escrita pra mim é a tua. Enquanto ela não volta à ativa como antes, vou me consolando com os arquivos passados do teu blog, que por sinal tô sempre recomendando.
Beijos.

Anônimo disse...

Dona Su...Após a longa e inóspida espera, você finalmente decide nos presentear com mais um de seus belos textos.
Fico feliz ao lê-la outra vez.
Já estava preocupado achando que você seria mais uma vítima do buraco do metrô. Ainda bem que a senhorita estava bem longe da marginal Pinheiros naquela tarde obscura.

Em relação ao que li, me parece uma carta de despedida daquelas bem "No way dear", "Sim, eu te amei e você foi meu mundo, mas hoje decidi morar no inferno", aquelas coisas que só vocês mulheres são capazes de dizer.

Sempre enriquecedor ver a forma com que descreve o que se passa bem aí, nessa sua cabecinha coberta de belos cabelos.
Grato pelo texto deslumbrante e pela atenção ao meu humilde espaço.

Beijos, menininha.

Tiago disse...

ô, depois tu me dá teu e-mail/msn sei lá o que. tenho um texto parecidíssimo com esse e quero que vc leia. pois é, SU_venir, tem gente que perde tempo me atazanando. vai dar um pouco, né? beijo.

Su disse...

Marcelo, eu não estava assim tão longe, sabe? Mas o suficiente pra não me deixar engolir. O texto lhe parece um "farewell"? Interessante... Pois é, a gente diz cada coisa...
Tiago, óia lá, vc não tá me acusando de plágio não, né? vou ver se encontro teu e-mail e te passo o meu contato.
Besos!

Jana disse...

Da pra ter inveja? Eu to..

Texto lindo!! Sarcastico, leve e na medida...

Dó de quem leu...

Beijos

bibi disse...

por isso que eu nem me atrevo a fazer um blog. pra passar vergonha?
tá doido Su, vai escrever assim lá na CC!
beijinho.

Mila disse...

Difícil saber que falta alguma coisa e saber que não dá pra implorar, comprar, substituir, trocar, esquecer. Se pudesse eu faria. E mais complicado ainda é a sensação de impotência: eu decidi que aquele teria sido o último abraço.

And so it is...
Hey, little girl, keep dancing!

Si disse...

Su
demorei uns instantes para entender seu primeiro comentário do post, "como assim SI???" eu pensava... até, segundos depois desprender os olhos e ler o que estava acima... A vida parece seguir o mesmo princípio, a gente leva um tempo até "deixar ir", soltar para poder morrer e voltar à superfície, ver luz do dia novamente.
Sou a Si amiga da Colher/Tata sim, e nós nos conhecemos, eu e vc.
Te visitar aqui me causa quase sempre a sensação de mergulhar num texto com universo da Clarice (Lispector). Quase sempre "atormentador". (e embora possa soar estranho, isso é um elogio)
Bj

Guto Melo disse...

Babel de dois. Nós leitores nos encarregamos de fazer o que o buraco do metrô não fez: te engolir!

o alquimista disse...

No sublime da tua escrita me embriago...tens a elegância dos mestres...
A luz inundou o dia, no resto do vago que resta da noite, sons de melodia dolente que ecoaram por toda a lagoa...

Feiticeiro domingo

Doce beijo

david santos disse...

Olá!
Su, tu não és mais uma hospedada no inferno. O planeta é que é um inferno. Por isso, todos quantos habitam o nosso planeta, habitam no inferno. Não vês que este inferno roubou-nos a nossa ELIS REGINA!? mAS DESTA VEZ, ESTE MALDITO PLANETA ENGANOU-SE. É que a nossa ELIS REGINA, bão sai dos nossos corações.
Abraços.

Tata disse...

...tô simplesmente sem palavras. Escreve um livro e planta uma árvore logo.

disse...

Xiii, será? Entrei aqui pra dizer algo, pra derramar a emoção que está dentro de mim por ler essa COISA. Sim, coisa, pq não sei nomear, nem é possível. Pois é, entrei, mas não consigo dizer nada. Não mesmo, acho que vou tentar um outro dia. Tenha dó de mim, linda minha. Até!

Defensor, O Maldito disse...

Saudações.
Vim através do Alquimista.
Belo texto, porém triste.
E já que insistes em não ter no epitáfio, "frases vivas de bons pensamentos", deixo-te este:

Que... não se saiba de minha morte

Nem se sofra por minha causa,

E que eu não seja enterrado em solo consagrado,

E que nenhum sacristão venha a dobrar o sino,

E que a ninguém se peça que veja meu cadáver,

E que ninguém me acompanhe em funeral,

E que não se plantem flores em minha sepultura,

E que ninguém me recorde,

A isso subscrevo.

Thomas Hardy, poeta e escritor inglês

Abraços

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